bookpub Chapter 1047: Chapter 1046: Glimpse Into Her Past
Chapter 1047: Chapter 1046: Glimpse Into Her Past
Chapter 1047: Chapter 1046: Glimpse Into Her Past
I still had no idea what to say - what to do - after hearing what Anput just said to me, her admission to having a rather sociopathic, misanthropic regard to this person she had never met, all over something that seemed so... minuscule.
A servant she had never shown any real care for, any real desire to make her own, and suddenly she was contemplating the murder of a person for no reason besides being slightly petulant that they were even thinking of taking 'what was hers', despite Yasmin being a person, not a thing to be given or taken by anyone.
It was completely emotionless, the way she had admitted to wanting to murder that man; there was nothing behind it, no motivation to be placed specifically on one thing, no drive or passion that she wanted to achieve, no goal... just a kill that would achieve nothing besides maintaining the status quo.
Though... that in and of itself was a goal, no?
Maintaining the status quo of having her good servant around at all times... that was what she wanted, right?
But why would she subconsciously want that so bad that she would contemplate killing an innocent man in cold blood just to maintain that?
"I can just see the gears in your head spinning around and around... I told you, it gets even~ better-! Tell me Kat; what do you think was my reaction when I had that thought cross my mind? It wasn't just an intrusive thought either, but instead it was a repeated thought, something that drifted around in my mind a few times after she said that. Obviously I could recognize that there was something wrong with me, something that wasn't normal.
I could see that, and I recognized it, acknowledged it. But when I did all of that, when I tried to be normal still by telling her 'yeah, sure! Go ahead! I wish you two the best!', there was something eating away at me from the inside again..."
Anput continued to rest on my shoulder, the Jackalkin staring at me from the side with a empty smile as she kept reminiscing on what happened, her eyes distant and cold as she relived what she had felt, what she might have done.
The worst part though, Kat? After ridding her of her child... I wanted to rape her over and over again, get her pregnant right away and force this woman to bear MY pups, not his. She was supposed to be, and was always going to be MINE, not his. I just... can't even fucking begin to understand myself..!
What was wrong with me, Kat?! I wanted to kidnap, enslave, and rape a woman I was close to all because I was what? Jealous that someone else had her? Even then, I didn't care about her like that; couldn't see myself with her as a mate, see taking her as a wife. I couldn't even really see taking her as a concubine, not one that I loved anyways. She'd be a good fuck, a decent carrier for my seed, but that was the extent of my 'love' for her! How utterly incomprehensible is that?!"
Her voice began to get strained as she stared at me, the Jackalkin almost pleading for me to say something even as she kept speaking, unable to help herself and unable to stop herself as she spilled everything out to me, showing me a side of her that I never knew existed.
"That night I contemplated something so horrendous that I was genuinely afraid of myself! It just... out of nowhere, I suddenly had this... this obsession with making her my THING. She would be my object to toss away on a shelf and forget about later... but she would be MINE. No one else would touch my thing, no one else would tarnish her. Just some item I was going to keep for myself.
I know I thought about it too much because I had a plan, Kat. I had a plan on how to get it done. This wasn't a thought that fluttered into my head and then fluttered back out after I told myself that was insane and stupid; no, it stuck, and it wormed its way into me and took root. I had a location in mind where I could dump his body, a way to keep Yasmin from telling Mom and Mother about what I had done, people who I could pay off to keep their mouths shut... Everything that I could manage to think of, I did that night, and when morning came around and I was still awake, I stared at the rising sun and wondered where she was, only to be surprised when she showed up despite being off of work. She came into my room... and Kat, I was this close to pouncing on her. I was so close to launching my plan and starting it with raping her. But when she walked up to me and thanked me for everything..." Gulping, Anput shakily pushed herself away from me and turned around, the Jackalkin hugging herself as she tried to get warm, all while she looked anywhere besides at me, her scent filling the room again, but this time with a worried, bitter tinge.
"The realization of what I had been doing for hours that night hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt so fucking guilty, so disgusting and abhorrent... I couldn't look her in the eyes, Kat. I still really can't, even years later. I hate that part of me... It's made a few reappearances here and there, and each time it does... it's like I have someone else in my head, something whispering to me to do something. Even recently, when you made that plan of yours..."
She finally turned back, and those twin orbs of void bored into me as she muttered "I had it whisper to me to do something similar to you, Kat. Those Fiend bones we have now? Do you know just how strong those are? I was going to make them into chains and lock you up somewhere in this palace... maybe even forget to mention it to Jahi and Leone...
Or when I was battling the humans way back when, and Jahi was still recovering from your disappearance? I wanted to hurt her so bad when she made it clear she wasn't feeling enough with us... Those nights, I used to actually stare at a reflection in my dagger and wonder if she
would be fast enough to react to it before it sunk into her chest. Do you know how scary that is, Kat..? Having something whispering these terrible things to you at the smallest
inconvenience..?"